Oh

Oh

if you knew

what you've done

to me,

how would you feel

I wonder?

Disgusted?

Overjoyed?

Ashamed?

Accomplished?

Would you feel . . .

real?

Would you feel as real

as the cut

the blood you drew

from that wine bottle opener

you used

to keep me quiet

and scared?

Would you feel . . .

sick?

Would you feel as sick

as the boy you left

vomiting on the ground

unknowingly changing

the lives of all three

of the people in that room

and not just your own?

Would you feel . . .

numb?

Would you feel as numb

as I wish I could feel

when I dream

when I think

how what you did was nothing

but still makes me cry,

makes me gag,

makes me want to carve the word

"No."

into your skin

next to the cut

from that night?

Would you feel . . .

confused?

Would you feel confused

to know

that it's been nearly 3 years

and I was triggered today?

To think that I am not

"over it"?

AND

Would you still do it?

Please,

god.

Please tell me.

Would you?

It took me over six months to cry after that day.

Six.

Lonely.

Abandoned.

Blocked.

Attention-seeking whore.

Faker.

Fucking.

Months.

Did you ever even shed

ONE TEAR

for any of it?

1.13.20